Hellcolt: Discord was Bored
by Kyletra
Summary: Ripped away from his own world, the Son of the Fallen One finds himself in a strange land, with a stranger body.
1. Discord was Bored

Discord was bored, a free spirit trapped within stone. He could still effect some things in the normally quiet land Equestria, provided he didn't make it too obvious. This was a very bad thing, because when a reality warping psychopath tries to find amusement, things tend to end up breaking the laws of the universe and as well as the sanity of most involved. The Draconequus ran his mental hands over the fabric of space and time that separated on dimension from the next. He grinned to himself as he ripped open a small hole, and rhymed as he reached within.

"Give me a monster, no make it two, one fiery red, the other blue. Put them in the pony shape, so that in shock their mouths will gape. Now time for fun, don't cry for momma, I summon you... Anung Un Rama .."

Taking the essence of the two, he tossed them into the world, chuckling at this bit of chaos. _Well, it's about time the groundskeeper came to clean the bird droppings off my head. I hope he uses the wire brush today, that pigeon's stomach was upset... I hate you so much Celestia..._

…

At the edge of the ever mystical Everfree Forest, two ponies stumbled out of the brush and into the sunlight. They were covered in mud and sticks, dazed from the crash landing up otherwise fine. One touched a hoof to its ear, pressing a hidden ear bud. It was huge, thick and stony. It appeared to be an Alicorn, but with two blunted stubs than the usual huge unicorn horn. In place of the beautiful feathered limbs, two huge bat's wings were curled at his back.

"Aw crap... where and what the hell are we? I said, where the hell are we? Liz? Roger? Crap, the radio's dead. You holding up Abe? Must be rough suddenly being a seahorse and all."

The other mud coated pony shook his head, mud flinging off. In place of fur, rubbery blue skin, with gills at the base of the neck. In place of hooves, thin flesh flippers flopped beneath him as he walked, a large tail dragged in his wake. A sort of... merpony.

"No and... Red, I'm a hippocamp. You've fought some, you should know their proper name. Unless you're trying to make light of us suddenly being in a strange territory, with no communication, and these... strange bodies."

The pair looked at each other again. They seemed confused by the cutie marks that adorned their flanks. "Abe" had a sword within a circle, held by an out-thrust hand. "Red" simply had a stony red right hand. Red sighed, looking at his hooves.

"Well, let's find some water and wash this crap off. If we're lucky we'll find a zipper and get these tacky costumes off, eh?"

They found a river, which pleased Abe greatly. The tail was quite a burden, though in the water it weighed nothing at all. He found even the slightest twitch let him storm upstream. Red got out once he was clean, and found the wings to be quite effective at blow drying his fur. With the mud washed away, it was clear he was only red on the front half, his mane and the fur around his back legs black. He walked along, if not pleased with then at least use to the new body.

"Well, let's follow the river Abe. Hopefully we'll find some kind of town and find out where the hell we are. Wait, stop... is that a... pegasus?"

Ditzy Doo was on her morning rounds, when she noticed the two. Ignoring the ingrained instinct to avoid strangers, she flew down and smiled softly at them.

"Good mooring to you. Are you pokeys lost? I can show you the weight."

Red looked at Abe, who only shrugged. _Well, she doesn't seem dangerous. She can fly, that seems to be it. And hell, I can do that too now._

"Alright, but can you show us along the river? My fishy friend here has a tough time on land right now. I wouldn't want to fly off and leave him vulnerable."

Ditzy grinned and landed next to the strange red colt. She knew to look past the outside, and despite being rough around the edges, she could see these two were nice ponies.

"Alright, lettuce go."

Going along the river, it wasn't terribly long before they reached Ponyville. Ditzy led them to the post office, opening her apartment to the duo. The carpet still had spots on the floor, and there was a new oven, but otherwise it was as if the disaster had never happened. Ditzy gestured at the couch for them to sit.

"I'll bring us some tea and backs. Do you like muffins?"

Abe put a flipper over Red's mouth before he could answer. The Demicorn shot a glare. _Why the hell are we playing little girl tea party with a damn pony?_

"We'd love some. I apologize for our imposition, especially since we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Abe Sapien, and this is Hellboy, but we call him Red."

Ditzy just stared blankly, going cross eyed after a moment. She shook her head, and rubbed a hoof in her ear. She seemed to focus very made, and each word came out carefully, as if speaking was suddenly a delicate challenge.

"Well, um... I... am.. Ditzy... Doo. Someponies call me... Derpy... Hooves. They're... joking. I hope."

The Hellcolt removed the fin, and spat. He pointed the stone hoof at Miss Doo.

"Ugh, listen um... filly. I don't want to sound mean, but we're not from here. We need answers, and I for one am not going to play tea time waiting on them! Who's in charge around here?"

Shaking from fear, the pegasus pointed out the window to Canterlot.

"Princess Celery. She's ruled a thousand ears, she's the bleeder of us."

Red snorted and stomped out of the house. Abe pat Ditzy on the shoulder.

"Forgive him, he's just grumpy. The wings and horns are... a bit of a sore spot for him. He just wants to get back home in his real body."

Ditzy just looked confused as Abe scooted after. She decided she needed a cup of tea and a muffin, and possibly a visit to Nurse Redheart to see if her condition was getting worse.

…

Ok, my sincerest apologies. I want to try and make this a worthwhile crossover, but at the moment I'm trying to both meet my daily update rule and get things done at home. I hope this at least made you laugh at the idea, because I seriously need to brighten the mood after Big Mac's Day Off Chapter 4. I'll expand on this every now and then, so think of this as my fully comedic story, with maybe some action.

Hope this doesn't make you think less of me, if you don't like just ignore it and pretend it never existed. Officially, it will not have the same privilege I grant my other stories, namely, the mixing back and forth of developments and characters. This story will be entirely self contained. Hellcolt and Abe Equus will not appear in the others... in real life. There may be a literal Dark Horse Comics though...


	2. Meeting Celestia

"Listen buddy. I need to see your Princess Celery right away. Wake her ass up, this is urgent. I am not going to spend another minute as a pony!"

The guards looked at each other, unsure of how to react, not that it showed on their faces. This obviously was a being beyond the scope of normal ponykind. Horns and wings normally meant royalty as far as they were concerned. Still, the image of a ponified Hellboy is out of even their odd standards.

"Listen, sir, we can't let you in. You can try and get an audience with Princess CELESTIA, but right now you can not be allowed in. If you keep at it, we'll have to remove you from the castle grounds. Forcibly."

Hellboy put the stony hoof under the guard's chin.

"I said I'm not going to spend another minute as a pony. I've had enough of this crap. Get her "royal high-ass" down here now!"

Abe restrained the transformed hero as best he could. Flippers just can't hold on very easily.

"I do apologize for Red, he's just in a bit of shock. I think your Princess does need to see us straight away, and-"

"My little ponies, why are you so on edge? Surely two guests aren't to be turned away."

The guards, though always at attention, seemed to straighten further at the voice. A white mare, almost as tall as Hellboy's current form, and the first horned pegasus the pair had ever seen. She was beautiful, for a horse, and was absolutely radiant. But most striking was the ever-moving mane, as if the fact there was no wind was a mere technicality. There was no mistaking who this pony was.

The pair stared in awe, but the Princess, who had a better chance to look them over, was becoming rather discomforted herself.

"Guards, escort them to my chambers, then leave us."

"As you wish, Princess Celestia."

She turned and hastily walked away, trying to give the dignity a royal must portray, but Hellboy caught a glimpse of slight panic in her eyes. As the guards showed the way, he helped the hippocamp us the stairs.

"Abe, I think we better be ready for a fight. She didn't look happy to see us."

"Red, you know that's not how it works. If anyone is going to fight us, they always have the minions attack first. We've been in this business long enough to know."

"But a thousand years Abe. That... thing has ruled this land for a thousand years. Maybe she'll be the first to get smart and try the direct approach."

Huge double doors swung open to reveal a very richly decorated sitting area filled with various couches and chair, which Abe used gratefully. As the doors shut, the Princess swooped down from a hiding spot in the ceiling to land behind Hellboy. From what Abe could see, the tip of her horn was very sharp, but what worried him more was the orb of fire forming at the tip.

"What are you doing in my peaceful land of Equestria, Anung Un Rama?"

Hellboy glanced over his shoulder, eying the fire with only mild worry. He was fireproof after all. But he kept hearing how this pony controlled the sun, and he wasn't sure if he'd withstand a flare from a star.

"You know that name?"

Celestia let the flame extinguish, her body relaxing but the calculating gaze remained.

"Anung Un Rama. Son of the Fallen One. Herald of Destruction. Key to the End. King of the Golden Army. Hellboy. Red. Son. I know your names, and what's more, I know your purpose. I do not want you here any more than you do. Behind you is nothing but a wake of nothingness and pain. If helping you means saving my subjects the grief..."

The Princess gave him a light buffet with her wing. He thought he could hide the mocking mouthing.

"Crap! Sorry, Lady, but when you started going on about the names force of habit kicked in. You know how many times I've heard that damn speech over and over? Well, to put it in terms you'll understand, if I had an apple for every time, then this whole kingdom could eat for the rest of their lives."

Abe coughed, breaking the staring match the two winged ponies had started.

"Thank you, Princess, for offering your help. Dimensional shifting is something the BPRD knows of, but we've had very little practical usage. You assistance will be immensely useful to both us personally and the organization as a whole."

The Princess shook her head, lack of sleep starting to get at her.

"No, I won't be giving you the means to do it yourself. I can't have you possibly having humanity leak into Equestria... again. The last time, horrible threats like the Smooze seemed outright tame compared to the cruel foalnapping and enslavement suffered by my little ponies. No, I personally will cast the spell to send you back. However..."

Hellboy threw his hooves up.

"Oh great, don't tell me. We'll have to go on a quest, find an artifact, fight some big slimy thing that'll leave me beaten, bruised, and covered in ooze, then come back and give it to you? I'm getting pretty tired of this crap Abe...Abe? Wake up!"

Celestia gave a small snort of laughter, sleepily looking over at the resting hippocamp.

"Leave him be, Hellcolt. It must be tiring to drag yourself everywhere. I'll see about a cart and harness for him to use in the morning. For now, rest here, and enjoy the peace while you can. I'll be keeping my sister company tonight. Is there some small comfort I can offer you before I go? No reason to be discourteous now that it's clear you have no intent to wreak havoc."

Hellboy was readying another snide remark when the thought stuck him. He's been crabby all day, and not solely from the new form. He's been missing something all damned day.

"I'd kill for a cigar."

Celestia telekineticially pulled an aged rose-wood box from a far corner of the room.

"Here, I normally save these for diplomats and other high ranking political figures, so I see no reason another Royal can't have one."

He bite down on the cigar rather than complain about being called "Royal". He grew frustrated again as he realized he'd lost his lighter in the shift, but Celestia's flame was lit again, floating in front of him instead of at her horn. He puffed the tobacco, let out a long sigh of smoke, and mumbled a thanks as she left. Looking out the big window at the full moon night, he couldn't help but feel... cozy in this little sugarcoated world.

"Better get out before I start giving speeches to Abe about the magic of friendship..."

…

Fillies and Gentlecolts, I present Chapter 2! It's not as funny as the first one, but I'm trying to make this you know... give the Hellboy side of things to shine since I do so much else with MLP:FiM in my other works. Hope you enjoyed! I'd love to hear your feedback on this or any other story I'm doing. I take suggestions freely, and try to rework things if you feel the characters are well, too out of character.

Kyle


	3. It Begins

Hellboy sighed, the rising sun forcing him awake. It had been hard finding a comfortable way to sleep between the new shape and the uncertainty of today. Abe was still asleep, curled up on the over-sized couch. _Eh, let him sleep. I need some breakfast. _Opening the door, Hellboy whistled to get the guards' attention.

"Hey, where can I get something to eat? I could really use some bacon and eggs."

The guard raised an eyebrow at this.

"Er, I could see about some eggs I guess, but what is... bay-con?"

"Bacon. Comes in strips. Tastes great with lettuce and tomato. Made from pigs?"

"You EAT pigs?"

_Riiiight. Ponies. No meat. Well, I guess I shouldn't make them too mad._ The transformed hero waved his stony hoof dismissively.

"Eh, forget that bit. Think you can get us some pancakes? I think Abe could manage a stack of six so make it... 92, with butter and syrup. And about a gallon or two of coffee, we'll take it black."

One of the guards broke his usual stoicism, heaving a sigh of relief, then ran off to inform the kitchen of the mighty order. The guards bodies relaxed, but the focus stayed in their eyes, cautiously watching him. Hellboy tried to strike up some idle chit chat until the food was ready.

"So... you guys get good benefits? Dental, medical, retirement?"

They looked to their officer to see if it was alright to talk. A sturdy looking mare pegasus, white and quite lithe compared to her bulkier subordinates, she gave a noncommittal shrug. One of the younger guards present, it surprised Hellboy to see her in charge. After a moment, she did choose to speak.

"We're fully covered for any medical expenses. Something as simple as an eye exam or as complicated as the reattachment of a severed wing, doesn't matter. We protect the Princess, the Princess protects Equestria, and so Equestria protects us. We don't get much in the way of true pay, when when you're provided free housing, three square meals a day, higher education paid for, and in general living for free, you can't complain about having to save if you want to buy that fancy new whatever."

The red pony gave a low whistle, clearly impressed.

"And the dental?"

The mare grinned, teeth sparkling clean and perfectly straight. "Damn, where can I sign up?" Hellboy made an odd gesture with his hoof. He blinked, and face-hoofed at his stupidity. _No fingers, no snapping them in disappointment._ The food came along, the guard and some other pony as well, before he had to explain. The cook pushing the trolley laden with goods seemed quite annoyed though.

"Why the hay am I bringing all this here? Decided to have a picnic lunch in the middle of the castle? You guards are starting to take advantage of your... bene... fits..."

The short, fat stallion stared up in horrified awe at Hellboy. Apparently, nopony had informed him of the Princesses guests. His jaw flapped like a gasping fish, pointing at the demonic pony before him. Rolling his eyes, H.B. just rolled it inside the room and shut the door. Celestia's voice was cheerfully polite.

"I see you're about to eat, shall I come back later?"

Hellboy looked around, before remembering the nature of the Princess and looked up. She smiled down from the rafters, which put the seasoned fighter on his tip-hooves. _This could all be a trap anyway. Damn she's creepy. Between the hair, the magic, the way none of the normal folks have nothing negative to say about her... Well, I've dealt with worse._ He nudged Abe awake, shoving a plate of food into the drowsy hippocamp's lap.

"Eat up Abe, debriefing looks like it's going to start now. We'll probably have to leave right after breakfast, right Princess?"

"Wrong. YOU will leave after breakfast. Abraham will stay here in Canterlot until your return."

The duo rose from their seats, looks of confused anger contorting their features and the Alicorn raised a hoof, begging them to hear her out.

"He is unable to move freely by his own power. The journey will be rough, and even with a cart to support his tail, it would likely break. It would be terribly unwise to send him out and risk injury, or possibly worse. Or it would be, if you could even make this journey as a group."

Hellboy ate to vent his frustration, shoving food in his mouth. _Damn. What is it going to be this time?Probably trials where I "face my inner demons" and come out he better for it. Or maybe I just have to kill something that a nuke would have a hard time phasing._ The Princess coughed politely, nudging a mug of coffee towards him. He drank deeply as she detailed the plan.

"You will journey into the Everfree Forest, through those long untraveled pathways until you reach the ruins of what use to be the palace I called home. Move the old throne to the left, when facing it, and you will find a stair case. Follow it down, and prepare yourself. The Spirits of Harmony will lead you to the relic needed to reopen the tear between our worlds, once you pass their tests of course."

"Oh goodie. Tests. Let me grab my number two pencil..."

...

Having followed the instructions, Hellboy tread carefully down the spiraling path. _Trials of Harmony, the crap I put up with. Let's see if the comm-links work still. _Putting a hoof to his ear, he heard minor static, but by the sounds of it he could at least talk to Abe.

"Hey Blue, read anything useful yet?"

"Red, you must see this library! It has everything you could imagine. Shakespeare, Machiavelli, Socrates... though all with pony puns for their names. Heh, look at his, Terry Prancechett. I'll jut save this for later..."

"Abe, did you find the whole... ugh I can't say it. Elements of Harmony?"

The comm-link was filled with the sound of books being moved, pages tuned, and in general chaos. After a moment, Abe coughed and gave a sheepish laugh.

"Found it under E. Let's see... Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty, pretty basic honorable traits. Magic, bit off, but from what I understand even the regular ponies have passive magical traits that let them grow more produce than say, a unicorn doing the same. Quite amazing how they don't let their physical traits hamper th-"

"ABE. That was five. I remember Little Miss Sunshine stating there were six trials, and that my worst trait would be last. I need to know them all to gauge my expectations."

"Well... Laughter. Honesty, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty, Magic and Laughter. Those are the six Elements of Harmony."

H.B. stopped walking, closing his eyes as this news sunk in.

"One of the most powerful magical forces in this entire land... is Laughter?"

"So it seems. I don't think our usual brand of sarcastic wit will be much use here. It's rather difficult understanding half of what is actually being said here. From what I gathered, the Spirits will not show themselves right away, at least in their true forms. Only once you bzzzzzzt"

"Abe? Abe? Aw crap... Too far down I guess. Wait, I feel a breeze."

Galloping forward, Hellboy bust into the light to find himself in the middle of an overgrown briar patch. The vines grew close together, and what little space between was filled with large thorns. The only clear path forward was a sort of natural tunnel, the thorns growing in an arch, and to his displeasure, it suddenly became the only path period. Behind him, the stone entrance sealed seamlessly shut. A tap of the hoof confirmed it was solid rock, as if the doorway had never existed.

"Well, what other fun can we have?"

As a low growl emitted from the tunnel, he gave a rather tired sigh.

"You see, I don't like the sound of that..."

…

I think I'm going to be uploading this story a bit more often than in the past, as I came up with the trials and I'm quite pleased with how some will play out. So those who wanted more of this story, wish granted.

I want to again thank any and everyone who enjoys my writing, or at the least takes the time to glance it over. I started writing just to get in some practice, now it's all about playing around trying to see what pleases you guys most.

Then again, I personally like writing Words stories, so you're getting more of him regardless of your opinion, in the future. For today, Hellboy!

Kyle


	4. The First Trial

"Aw, crap!"

Hellboy jumped to the side, a full grown chimera leaping out from the thorns. The massive beast's claws scored deep into the rock. The Dragon head turned and belched a gout of flame at him. His wings wrapped around, the fire unable to get through the natural cloak. _For once, these things are gonna be useful._

Running forward, he gave an awkward uppercut to the dragon's jaw, knocking it back. However, the goat head swung around, headbutting him in the ribs. The force knocked him into the thorns, scratching his entire body badly. He struggled to extract himself, but during that time, he noticed something odd.

_ That thing could just breath fire again and torch all this away. Yet it's just pacing there... Is it afraid of the thorns?_ Finally breaking free, he grabbed a length of spiky vine in his teeth. A sharp turn of the head made it whip forward and wrap around the lion neck.

This only made the creature bellow in pain and anger. Rearing back, it yanked him through, then out, of the briers. _This is gonna hurt... _The lion's jaw opened, and on reflex he shoved the stony hoof down it's gullet. It gagged and coughed, tossing him away once more as it clutched at it's throat. Getting up slowly, Hellboy made a face of disgust as a roll of saliva dripped from his leg.

"That's just lovely. I hope you brush your teeth often. Dragon...lion...goat breath has got to be funky."

The beast snarled at the hero, who positioned himself between the chimera and the thorns. _Hm.. ah! Perfect. _A loose bit of vine had caught fire earlier, and was still smoldering nicely. Taking out a cigar, he puffed it alight with the meager coal. Puffing a stream of smoke at the creature, he smiled with a false sweetness.

"Well? Aren't you gonna do something, you over grown pussy cat?"

The beast pounced, but Hellboy ducked under, letting it land behind him. Tensing his hind legs, the transformed hero gave a mighty buck to the hindquarters of the feral enemy. It became entangled in the very thorns that had bound him, and it's larger size only gave them more to grab on to. He held the cigar near a bit of dried vine, a fresh flame forming from it.

"I wonder, if that lizard head can breath it, is the rest of you fire proof? Let's find out..."

He tossed the burning bracken into to briers, the blaze making the beast bellow. It struggled, not to escape, but for some reason it tried to go deeper into the thorns, seemingly in a panic. Then, he heard a reply, barely a squeak of a meow. Between the flames, he saw it. A juvenile, barely more than a kitten, trapped in it's own thorny bondage.

"You were just trying to protect your kid? Damn animals... I better get going before the fire gets too bad... Mommy is not going to be happy with me..."

A pitiful wail stopped him in his track, the adult still striving to reach the babe. _You gotta be kidding me. This is the stupidest thing I've done since... this morning._ Jumping into the inferno, he struggled through the thorns, biting deeper than ever. Blood dripped freely along his sides as he reached the adult. Kicking and biting the vines, he managed to free it.

"Go back to the clear part. I'll get the baby. You're too big to fit the rest of the way."

As if it understood, it retreated. Hellboy ducked through the vines as best he could, but they were even thicker here. Fire licked from all sides as he finally reached the child. It was slightly scratched, but that was the worst of it. Carefully removing the vines, he set the kitten on his back, and used his wings to cover it.

Leaping out from the flames, he landed before a slightly burned, but still very angry chimera. Slowly, he lifted his wings, revealing a trembling but very much alive three headed darling. Upon seeing it's mother, the baby jumped from his back and ran over. All the fury flushed from the features of the beast, as it began to clean the sooty babe with a cat bath.

_Well, it looks like they'll leave me alone now. The fire's almost gone too, the dried vines were barely fuel to do much of anything. Still, I don't know how the path should have been followed. Damn, guess I'll just have to hoof it... I just thought that didn't I? Once things are back to normal, I'm never going to watch the races again._

"Well, you two look settled, I'll be going."

"Son."

Hellboy turned around, only seeing the two chimeras.

"Who said that?"

The adult looked at him, eyes glowing gold. Slowly, the body began to turn a brilliant pink. Not pink colored, but a solid shape made of pink light. The body also collapsed down into itself, eventually taking the shape of a young female pegasus, though still in that energy body. Only the golden eyes gave any other color. When she spoke, it was like a soft spring breeze, the very sound of it calming the confused Hellboy.

"I did, Son. You have passed my trial, the Test of Kindness. First, I gave you a reason to be angry, by having a beast assault you. Then, I gave you the fire to cruel, and end the life of the beast out of spite. And then, I showed you what your cruelty could have destroyed, and rather than simply ignore it, you choose to rescue. You showed sympathy and mercy, and protected that which one day may grow to harm you in return, for that is a beast's nature. You sacrificed your body to perform this duty, allow me to ease that suffering, Son."

He flinched as he felt his flesh knit itself back together.

"Ok, lady, I appreciate the healing, but I gotta ask. Why do you keep calling me Son? I'm pretty sure my mother wasn't the embodiment of Kindness."

He tapped his horns to make a point. The Spirit of Kindness giggled, suddenly appearing beside him. Before he could react, the spirit kissed him, and images of Professor Bruttenholm filled his mind. _Father..._ The Spirit pulled away, nodding as if she could hear the thought.

"I call you Son, because that was the name given to you by the one who taught you kindness. By raising you, loving you, and supporting you. Now, I will grant you one more act of kindness, and reveal the way to your next trial."

"Any chance of you telling me what that will be? Just, you know, so I can study for my test?"

The Spirit giggled as her light faded, leaving only the echoes of the bell-like laughter.

"Thought not."

Before him, the forest sprung to life. With the briers burned away, the ashes used as fertilizer, the trees and flowers put forth buds. Soon, the once drab grey cave had shifted to a green paradise, a path of pink roses winding it's way through the growth.

"If any little birds come perch on me and sing, I'm gonna puke."

…

Sorry this is short, late, and a bit lackluster, on top of perhaps being a bit too fast paced even by the short standards I usually put forth. Blame a combination of wanting to sleep and Episode 3 coming out.

Twilight... scares me now.

Kyle


	5. The Second Trial

Walking through the roses, Hellboy felt oddly at ease. The forest was clean smelling, not a trace of the pollutants he'd grown use to in human civilization. Deep down, a part of him liked places like this, where it was so quiet and peace-

"Hey, you feeling frisky? Because you look pretty horny to me!"

-ful. A twittering laughter filled the otherwise silent grove. Hellboy turned in a circle, trying to find the source. _Here I was hoping I was going to be alone for a while. Whatever this thing is, if it makes another little joke like that I'll... wait. This has got to be start of the next trial. Laughter so soon though? _The voice came again, female yet slightly rough.

"Hey, you might consider finding some sunscreen, you're awful red too. Have a squirt!"

There was the sound of throat being cleared, then a splat. Reaching up between his horns, the red pony wiped away a glob of spit. It smelled of rotting fish, and was extremely sticky. Snorting steam in his annoyance, he looked up to see a griffin perched in the tree above. She wiggled her claws in an over the top greeting, yet the sight put him on edge nonetheless.

_Claws, beak,pony I mean HUMAN level intelligence. Flight too. I'd hate to get into a brawl with her if I don't have to, but then again... Griffins eat horses, and I don't think I'm exempt if I don't pay attention._

"So, you going to say something, or did you trade your tongue for those wings?"

"I'm just trying to get through, mind letting me go on my way?"

The griffin giggled, gouging the bark with her claws as she sharpened them nonchalantly. Hellboy stepped backwards, feeling rather naked without the Samaritan to help. _Come to think of it, I feel naked from not having any damn cloths either._ She gave another chirping chuckle.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been a long while since someone has come by, so I'm afraid I don't want you to go just yet. If you'd be so kind, keep me company for a while. It'll be worth your while to stay."

"Listen lady!"

"Call me Grizelda, I don't think I'm much of a lady. Or a female Diamond Dog for that matter, some ponies called me that before using the same tone you did with lady. After I corrected them, they never called me that again. Or anything for that matter. I guess for them it was the dog, not the cat, that got their tongues."

The griffin grinned innocently as the hero tried not to let his temper get the better of him.

"Riiight. Grizelda, I'm kinda got something important going on, so I need to keep moving. I don't have the time for fooling around. Stopping to play patty-cake with talons isn't on my "To do" list."

He began to walk farther down the path, when she landed in front of him.

"Oh? Because it's on mine now. Top of the list, as a matter of fact. Come on, play with me just once... It sounded so fun."

He pursed his lips, thinking of all the different ways he could hurt the annoyance. _But, she hasn't done anything to me... yet. Besides, this is all part of the trial isn't it? I guess if I put on a fake smile and laugh, she'll let me get this over with. _His lips turned up, but no mirth showed in his eyes. Sitting down and raising his front hooves, they began to play.

The griffin's smile slowly shifted, matching his own look of mild boredom. Then her eyes lit up with mischievous intent. Sudden;y, she grabbed both his hooves and took off up into the air. Breaking through the tree tops, he looked in awe at the sky above them.

_I thought we were still underground. I guess somewhere along the way it led outside. But right now, let's worry about these claws digging into my arms!_

Panting from the efforts, the griffin smiled down at the shifted stallion.

"Well, let's see which is going to be more entertaining. Watching you fall, watching you land... or maybe you'll get those wings of yours open. Then we'll have some real games to play then."

And with that, he was released into the open air. He fell, spiraling down towards the forest with sickening speed. He tried to open his wings, but the wind pressure kept them pinned firmly to his back. _Even if I just use them as a parachute, it might not be enough..._

_ Nice view though._

And with that, he landed face first into the forest floor. But he did not die. He wasn't even battered and bruised. Not so much as a single scratch, or hair out of place. A familiar giggle sounded above him, and there she was. Only about four feet off the ground. She landed, offering a claw to help him up.

"You're wondering what just happened, aren't you?"

He trembled with rage, then finally he sighed in resignation.

"Yes, actually. I know we flew up incredibly high and you dropped me. I know I'm tough, but I've cracked ribs falling off of buildings a few stories tall. I should be pretty hurt."

"I flew down at the last second and scooped you up. Sorry about the landing, but it was pretty cute to see your hind end up in the air like that."

"No no. That's not possible. I mean, I was almost at the tree line. You couldn't possibly have caught me. No way."

"But what about you? If I told you last week this world existed, what would you have thought."

"I'd have called you... uh..."

"Or what about the fact that the Royals here are a pair of winged unicorns?"

"Can we get to the point please, my head's killing me from the little dive you made me take you bit..."

The griffin ran a claw along his jaw, smiling softly.

"Did I forget to mention something special about those ponies who called me that earlier? I did, didn't I? I forgot to say, when I made them eat their words, they weren't able to taste them... take a guess as to WHY the sudden lack of taste. I know you're curious."

"Frankly, I'm not. I'm a pretty good detective, and it doesn't take Sherlock to see you're utterly insane."

The griffin cocked her head, smile completely gone.

"You're willing to call me crazy, knowing I'm faster than you can believe, with my claws already at your throat? You're not one for subtlety are you?."

Hellboy smiled for the first time in the encounter, and took the moment's confusion to belt her across the beak.

"I'd say I'm just honest to a fault. Now, I've been putting it off since I didn't want to try and fight something evolved to kick this body's ass. But know what? After everything you've put me through, I'm done. Even if I fail these stupid trials, I think I'll be happy just to shut you up."

The griffin melted away, the body slowly taking shape as an Earth pony stallion. He stood up, cracking his neck despite seemingly being made of the same orange light. He gave a nod to Hellboy.

"'Bout time you got around to it. You just were not acting like yourself Red. You let the perception that this change makes you weak make you afraid. Or to save face, "justifiably cautious" about fighting a griffin. But why does it matter? You've fought those beings that would shatter the minds of lesser wills."

Hellboy sighed in mild relief, glad he didn't have to bother with a full fight. The Spirit of Honesty pat him on the shoulder.

"Could it possibly be you didn't want to put yourself in needless risk? Whatever for? You're nearly a God in your own right."

"Because if I die here, not only will Abe be stuck here, but our friends back home won't know what happened to us."

"And now he admits it freely, thank you. Keep a hold to that thought, and Loyalty might as well not bother testing you. Please, allow me the honor of showing you the way in a method you'll find slightly more bearable. Kindness is sweet, but she doesn't really try to accommodate tastes..."

The forest faded, and around them rose huge buildings. The ruins of a metropolis, hollowed out and void of life.

"There we go, someplace a bit more macho for you to enjoy. Be strong Red, your friends are waiting."

As the Spirit faded, Hellboy struggled not to admit the truth.

_I already miss the flowers..._

…

Sorry if this seems... well to be honest, worse than any of the others. I haven't posted the last few days (I'll explain why later), and I wanted to get something up before I went to sleep. I'll be posting two other stories later,hopefully the quality goes up with some rest.


	6. The Third Trial

"Ok, let's see here. Kindness was fighting a chimera. And letting it live. Pretty simple, I can get behind that. Honesty was a bit more abstract, being honest with yourself and knowing why you're acting a certain way. Not very clear cut, but hey, you can see it with a bit of thinking.

So what the hell is this crap suppose to be?"

Hellboy wandered down the barren streets, voice echoing throughout the dead city. The ruined buildings towering around him on all sides, and seemed to stretch infinitely out in any direction. It was, by all appearances, a basic grid, straight streets with uniform corners. Hellboy tapped a rusted parking meter, knocking some flakes off the long unused pole.

"This place is weird even by my standards. And that's not even considering the whole talking pony thing... I'm going nowhere fast like this."

HB sat down to rest, almost falling asleep when a noise in the distance stirred him. It was the clop of hooves on the sidewalk, and a young colt, completely grey except for the deep purple irises, was the source. Hellboy stood up, watching the figure.

"Hey kid. What're you doing in a place like this? Where's your parents?"

The youth, however, kept on walking until he was standing directly in front of the demicorn. Now he was close enough Hellboy could see the paintbrush cutie mark, also utterly grey. The colt made no movement, barely seeming to breath. He just... stared. Not at Hellboy, or the street, or anything really. Just the space in front of him, and this unsettled the hero.

_Kids always make a big deal about my looks. Not the same way grown adults do, but with honest interest. That mix of joy and fear, where they don't know if they should laugh or cry or wet their pants. But this kid... is he just another illusion from the tests? I can't just reach out and touch him to check it. The chimera and the griffin both felt pretty damn real. I'd kill for a pair of those special goggles we used for that Troll Market..._

"Step aside, Hellboy."

The voice came from below, and though his first reaction was to look directly at the kid. A whistle, and his attention was brought lower. His own shadow waved a hoof at him, and on reflex he jumped aside. Instantly, the colt began moving again. Moving up the wall, Hellboy's shadow took it's own form, shifting into some strange silhouette of a creature with a horse's head and reptilian body.

"Mhmm~ Feels so nice to be off the hard ground and out from under those dirty hooves."

Hellboy started to speak, when his shadow shushed him.

"Hold on, let me guess your questions. They're always the same boring thing. What is this place? What am I? Why is your shadow gone? What was with that kid? Blah blah blah blee blah. I swear, ponies are such dull creatures if they can't figure these things out themselves.

I have no name pronounceable in the pony tongue, but you may address me as U. Hey, U. U, there. I haven't seen U around here. U, utter bastard. As for what, this form is a Draconequus, not that it matters much. I merely take this form as a default. I can be anything, and indeed AM everything. Here at least."

Hellboy pointed at the talking shadow.

"What does that mean? You are everything here, even the kid?"

"U is, Hellboy. That's all you need to concern yourself with on that. Though, no. I am not the child. He is a poor soul, trapped within this city."

Anger boiled beneath the calm face of the hero. _U IS a bastard if he's trapped some poor kid in here. How the hell did he even get here?_

"The boy, long ago, tried to reach the end of the trials. His father was deathly ill, and they were poor. In those days, all were allowed to journey through our chambers. It was only a matter of who was brave or foolish enough to try. His youth was both a boon and curse.

You see, it allowed him to very easily pass all the other trials. Honesty especially was easy for him, as he was too young to understand fully that adults use layer upon layer of lie to make their lives bearable. The Spirits are always kind to the whims of children, so easy tasks were always provided. But that is not how things should work. Doing these tasks is a matter of sacrifice. You come to risk your very life to earn what you seek.

He came to this challenge last, and expected it to be a cakewalk."

The shadowy figure shook his head dramatically.

"Literally, the child thought it would be some sort of candy land. Well, there certainly was a lollipop king, that foolish thinking definitely makes him a huge sucker. And so, as punishment for ultimately wasting my time, and his, I sealed him here. Hehehe...oops. Do try not to knock more holes in the city, it's rather old."

Hellboy drew back his stony hoof from the masonry. He snorted steam as the dust settled down.

"You let him go, you sonuvabitch! His dad's probably long dead now, that's punishment enough."

As the shadow offered no new sights, Hellboy's attention turn to the hole in the wall. Peering inside the building all he could see was darkness. U's shadowy body split at the mouth, a grin of lit stone.

"Does it surprise you a monster like me is actually empty on the inside? Now then, Hellboy, what shall we do with you? You certainly can't get out by yourself, but.. hmm. Perhaps we can strike a deal.

You see, it's getting to be quite boring around here. The boy hasn't spoken for ages, and he never wants to play my games. I tire of always watching over him, so I want a new plaything. Would you like to take his place instead?"

"And leave Abe, Liz and everyone else wondering where the hell I am? Forget it."

The shadow laughed deeply, stepping away from the wall as a mass of blackness.

"Oh, I am not so cruel! This place, it's sealed away from Equestria. Time and space have no meaning here. You need not eat, or sleep or even age, because the Elements' energies sustain you. I'll even offer a special deal. One hundred years. The colt will go free, and you'll be on your way once you're done. If you finish. I can get rough with my toys."

Hellboy watched the young figure already fading into the distance.

"A hundred years? And the kid goes free? And you won't pull the bullshit of not upholding your end of the bargain?"

"The Elements wouldn't allow it. Need I remind you one of them IS Honesty?"

The hero sighed and held out a hoof.

"Fine. I've taken bigger burdens."

He expected some sort of chill, or some half solid emptiness to envelop his hoof. Instead, he found a purple unicorn bumping hooves. The Spirit smiled sweetly, her form a much less confusing than the hodgepodge Draconequus shadow. Hellboy went to speak again, but was hushed a second time.

"I am the Spirit of Generosity, and my you surprised me. Though I do question the sanity in giving up so soon, I must respect the sentiment more than the logic. A hundred years doing who knows what, for such a terrible seeming entity? I can't remember the last time someone was willing to perform such a sacrifice."

Confusion spread across the hero's face, which made the Spirit make a grand sweeping gesture of her hoof.

"Sacrifice, Hellboy! That is what Generosity IS. Anyone can go "Oh, I have a sandwich, would you like it"? But it takes a special soul to, when they receive the gift and themselves are starving to death, say "Let's share it". Sacrifice your time, your health, even your life. THAT is when you are truly being generous.

Giving money to charity? Buying extra to donate for a food drive? These are nice, certainly, but they aren't self-sacrificing acts. But you, Mister Hero, dubbed Hellboy by those he sacrifices for, risking life and limb to fight for those too weak to do it themselves. YOU passed this trial without a hitch. Good luck, the next three will be quite the uphill battle."

Hellboy opened his mouth to speak, yet the words wouldn't come out. A sudden kiss from a Spirit of Harmony does that. _The next time someone asks me to be quiet, I'm punching their lights out._ The world spun, and the next thing he knew, he was dropped into yet another new landscape. A bunch of ruins, with various demons or other idols carved in stone. It looked so familiar, as if he'd been there before.

Then, a commanding voice echoed though the stone room.

"Ilsa! Gregori! It's time!"

…

Whoa. Typed this out just before time for guy's night. Heh, I take so long getting around to these because I have to really try and think of abstract ways to do the trials. I have the last one all planned out, but the two remaining are going to need some time to flesh out. Still, I hope this one is a bit less... off the wall of an explanation for the element than last chapter's heh.

Kyle


End file.
